October 28, 2020
Uncategorized

Wedding Weekend


Last Sunday, two of my best friends, Owen and Kelly, tied the knot up in New Hampshire. On the drive up we saw this baller house on a hill. You know he moves mad drugs out of there. Militia status!

They got married at this historic castle on a different hill that overlooked all of New Hampshire, which was awesome because you realized that there is absolutely nothing going on in New Hampshire. I of course appreciated this, but that is because I get to come back to Boston and not live in a tree.


So, right after this moment, the wedding got hilarious. It started to rain a bit and Kelly’s grandma yelled to her deaf friend I THINK IT’S RAINING! Her friend who was also like 80 years old was like WHAT??? So then granny repeated herself IT’S RAINING! Well, of course Kelly started laughing and then mad people started popping their umbrellas open one by one. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. Now the lady behind me didn’t want to smack me in the back of the head with her umbrella so she started to stand up in order to open it. Well, that plan proved to be too much for her sphincter and she let out an enormous fart! I’m not exaggerating when I say this fart was enormous. It was the kind of fart you let out at a sleepover when all of your friends have said goodnight and it is finally silent after an awesome party and then you laugh and laugh and laugh and get all warm and fuzzy inside. It was like that except it was just funny and kind of juicy. Epic.
The classic idea of a band at the reception was updated with a full karaoke (did I spell that right Kenji?) reception. This dude came prepared, with his sleeves torn off and his Motley Crue moves down perfect.

James made the wedding cake which was cool as shit. Of course half way through my piece I pulled out a 12 inch curly beard hair. At least I hope it was a beard hair.

Apparently this asshole shops at H&M for his most important occasions as well. We literally had the exact same suit, same shirt, and almost the same tie. For women, showing up in the same outfit would be suicide…for Justin and I it is a badge of honor that we don’t have to wear this shit on a daily basis.

The next morning, Leslie and I woke up in an awesome cottage on a lake and headed back to the shop.

It was a great wedding, and we couldn’t be happier for the new couple. Oh yeah, and Kelly’s new last name is Beane. Kelly Beane. Shit cracks me up every time.