February 8, 2023

Wallet Girl learns new tricks

This is Keaton. Keaton used to be called wallet girl—she got famous at a young age by sweat-shopping herself out to bands making them duct tape wallets. I think she was written up in every major newspaper in Boston at the time. She was the star of her junior high. Of course sales skyrocketed and she found herself in a bidding war between KISS, Aerosmith and the Stones. Aerosmith won the rights to wallet girl and Keaton found herself touring endlessly, criss-crossing the globe trying to keep up with demand. The long nights combined with rheumetoid arthritis, the early interviews, and the clingy fans gave Keaton an enormous coke habit. She went through lines of coke like a Dyson on an infomercial until she hit rock bottom…sewing tags at Proletariat. The good thing is we don’t pay her enough to afford coke, so she will have to downgrade to her peers’ drug of choice: Facebook. Anyways, we would like to welcome her to the dark side, the end of the beginning. She has some big shoes to fill: figuratively, not literally (I think Joe was only a size 9) If you see her compliment her on her quick rehabilitation and her firey stitches.

9 thoughts on “Wallet Girl learns new tricks

  1. Yo what up how old is she? hahahaaha what shirt is that that she is sewing?

  2. LOL dude, sorry. 9 1/2. I’m not answering the age question…you can ask her. As for the shirt…you have to wait and see

  3. kerry,
    don’t blame me if the entire population of boston pedophiles start hanging out at your store….blame the deep v’s.

  4. There are already a lot of pedophiles at Proletariat. That is a tiny smidge of why I don’t hang out there everyday anymore. It actually is really sketch..


  5. i dont know who sloane is but if that bitch takes my menial job in the great great world of proletariat, im going to have to cut her.
    you know…its policy.

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