October 29, 2020
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The Republican National Convention 2008



So last night after my brain was rotted by back to back episodes of America’s Top Model (thanks baby); I decided to be a good citizen and turn on the Republican National Convention. I find it is very important to listen to both sides of every story before making a decision and I will continue to do this all the way to Election Day. Surely, this would help me regain some of the precious brain cells that were lost during Tyra Banks√¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ heinously popular √¢‚Ǩ≈ìreality√¢‚Ǩ¬ù show, but like true warriors they decided to kill themselves off as opposed to being taken captive by the enemy.
Now of course I am joking about the Republicans being the enemy. What we should all remember is they are our fellow countrymen, our parents, brothers, sisters, Aunts, and Uncles and I’m sure we have a lot more in common than not. Barack actually stated something like this at the end of the Democratic Convention and I thought it was a breath of fresh air. If you want to see his speech, click here. What Barack also said was let’s keep this a clean campaign, remember that McCain also loves his country and wants to make it a better place, and let’s not fight dirty. Well, I wish the Repubs thought the same. Last night’s RNC led mostly by Rudy “remember 9/11 or you will forget me” Giuliani, was more like a hateful pep rally then a how we can actually help you over the next 4 years meeting of the minds. There were more than a few awkward pauses where the crowd obviously missed their cue to cheer, boo, chant USA! USA! USA!, Drill Baby Drill! or yell flip-flopper. Yep, the Republicans still say flip-flop. They used it on John Kerry, and they will use it on Kerry Simon Jr. in the year 2058. Let’s look into this flip-flopping for one second. When has changing your mind on an issue ever been a bad thing? Have you ever eaten a cheeseburger and then seen the nutritional value sheet and found out it has 1400 calories? I would assume you probably wouldn’t eat that particular cheeseburger again, because you don’t want to look like the Goodyear blimp. So if someone was told that country A. had weapons of mass destruction, and then they find out that they didn’t, wouldn’t that affect their decision making process? But the thing with Barack is we don’t need to worry about that because he voted against the war and believes war only comes as a last resort and that last resort will be based on actual facts not hunches. Anyways, let’s get back to last night’s RNC.
Here’s some highlights that you might have missed from Giuliani’s speech:
“McCain will lower taxes so economy will grow” I have to ask how that will help, has it helped in the past, and who are the lucky peeps to have their taxes lowered and are they guaranteed to take their lower taxes and spend them domestically to help boost the economy
“McCain will lead us to energy independence to be free from foreign oil. His plan will include nuclear power and offshore oil drilling” Most intellectuals have agreed that the costs of offshore drilling far outweigh the benefits. Until I moved to Boston, I had only swum in the Gulf of Mexico off the coast of Texas. It was a great way to spend a week of the summer with my family, windsurfing in the ocean and chilling out. Fast Forward to a few years ago when my friend Liam invited us out to Cape Cod. The first question I asked him was if I should bring LAVA soap and a bristle brush or if he was going to have it at the cabin. He of course had no idea what I was talking about and after a lot of hemming and hawing he asked me what the fuck I was talking about. I of course exclaimed THE TAR! How are we going to get the TAR off of our bodies? Long story short, it took me 26 years to find out that brown water and balls of sticky tar are not natural to the Earth’s oceans, they are a byproduct of the offshore oil rigs that run parallel with the Texas coastline. It’s funny that as a kid I thought the lights of the rigs were so pretty, and I thought thousands of jellyfish beaching themselves was just nature’s way, and why would water be clear or free of tar balls? The ocean is a strange place, right? I would rather walk for the next 50 years then have to bring a brush to scrub my feet on Cape Cod or see polar bears with big brown globs of tar in their fur.

“The future president has one purpose that overrides everything else: offense against terror at home and abroad.” Now of course I think National Security is an important issue, but what good is safety if you are hungry, homeless, and jobless? Plus, Bush has been pushing this mentality for 8 years now, and I don’t know many Americans who are behind this plan anymore, no matter what party affiliation they are.
I know this is a long post, but elections are extremely important. You aren’t just voting for your present, but your future as well, and since we are on top of this human shit-pile, remember that everything the US does affects every other country worldwide. The main focus of this election on both sides is change…but only one party made this change necessary, so please decide on a final candidate that you think will look out for you and others who need a voice. And if you aren’t registered to vote, do it now. Click here or here.

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