February 4, 2023

The Hook Up | How to Make Flavored Vodka

My wonderful girlfriend Lisard is going to show all you dirt bags how to impress the ladies by making your own flavored vodka. Well, she will teach you the vodka part. Watch the video and then I will teach you how to impress the ladies on a serious budget.

Okay. So, you are on a budget but don’t want to look like a cheap son of a bitch. What do you do?
Step 1. Buy the shittiest aka cheapest vodka at your local liquor store.
It will probably look like this
Step 2. Get some kind of container, if you can get a mason jar then do that, they only cost one dollar or you can use an old tomato sauce bottle, just make sure to wash it first.
Step 3. Pour your shitty Vodka into your container and add fruit. If you are in a rush add citrus (lemons or limes or grapefruits or oranges, etc) as they will flavor your vodka quicker.
Step 4. Once you have cut up your fruit and added it to your vodka, place your vodka in a cool dry place (your closet) for 3+ days. If you use something other than citrus it may take a week.
Step 5. While you are waiting for your vodka to taste great go out on recycling day and find the nicest empty bottle of booze you can. Bring it home. Wash it out. Get a funnel or make one from paper.
Step 6. Hopefully by this point your vodka has absorbed the tastiness of the fruit. Use your homemade funnel (or just have a steady hand) and pour your newly flavored vodka into your recently rinsed out recycled bottle.
Step 7. Make the phone call, invite her (or him) over for some tasty drinks done right on a budget.
THAT IS IT! EASY RIGHT?!?!? During this process you accidentally learned about “branding”, taking a regular product and making it seem great in the eyes of the consumer based upon your or in this case the vodka bottles brand name. Enjoy! let me know how it goes for you. Thatsthehookup[at]gmail.com

P.S. If you have an extra dollar in your pocket go to the local supermarket and buy some Jello. Follow the instructions on the packet, I believe all you need is boiling water and the packet. Once you have made the Jello, pour it into some kind of container or little Dixie cups. Once you have done this, cut up the fruit that has been sitting in the vodka for several days. Add fruit to each of the cups. Put the Jello in the refrigerator and wait a few hours. Now you have jello shots on a budget. Make sure to chew the fruit! This way you won’t waste the vodka on jello shots and you won’t waste the perfectly alcohol infused fruit by throwing it out. Trust me. It will work.

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