February 4, 2023

National security is not a joke


I kind of always thought that our national security system was a joke. The press says crazy shit about our infrastructure being weak, people freak out. Say something good, people chill the fuck out. I just assumed it was all bullshit and if someone was going to do something rash then, that would be it.

Well, yesterday I took the Greyhound from Boston and once I arrived back in New York, I got to speak with the FBI and The Port Authority Special Investigations Unit. Our bus pulled into Port Authority early and I was psyched because I was tiiiiiiiired! Everyone exited the bus and we were told the luggage department was broke so we had to wait for “someone” to come fix it. I called bullshit on that one right away! Something was up and I heard one of the employees talking about the F.B.I.

15 minutes later a bunch of Port Authority Police rolled up and started taking down my info (everyone’s info actually), snapping photos, they even videotaped me and Lisard. We asked the peeps if it was a drug issue and the police responded with “you really think we would all be down here if this was a drug issue!?!?” Good to know!

I need to point out that the special investigation unit is comprised of some of the scariest dudes I have ever seen. HUUUUGE dudes that look like they could squash anyone with their thumb! They had these weird Men In Black-esc gadgets. They were pointing them all over the place and running them over the bus driver’s body. Anyways, after being jerked around for two hours with questions about this, that, and the other thing, the mystery was solved!

Well it turns out that the driver of the Greyhound bus that transported us from Boston to NYC had been taking thyroid medicine that made him emit radiation. Apparently radiation was detected when we went through the tunnel so they had the entire force on it thinking we were going to do some serious damage!

A very long return home……

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