February 1, 2023

“Hookah is like the stupidist thing ever”

So last night I met up with a friend who just returned from living in Jordan for a few years. She loved the culture and said she smoked Hookah almost every day. Since moving back to Boston she was having some withdrawls so she invited all of us out to a Hookah bar in Allston last night. Now, I’m a big believer in When in Rome…You know, if I ever go to Asia and they are serving dog, I’ll glady step up to the table and munch on McGruff the crimestopping mutt. Or if I ever visit Amsterdam I will have to stop by one of their world famous cafe’s to smell the tulips. And who wouldn’t want to sit around in the Middle East smoking hookah with the locals? So, I consulted a few youngsters who drop by the shop and are in that inbetween age where they get drunk regularly but they aren’t old enough to go to a bar, and they painted me a picture of hookah bars like this.
Then I realized all 19 year old guys think about are girls so there is no way this could be true. Flying blind, I picked up my lady and we headed in. After a brief explanation of how the hookah works I tried a few flavors. Peach-tasted like peach breath after a cheap lollypop mixed with campfire clothing smell. Next I had Double Apple which tasted like Apple flavored hair spray when you breath after your lady Aquanets the whole bathroom. The thing I couldn’t figure out was why do people do this? I’m paying $25 for an item that doesn’t taste as good as the original, offers me no nourishment, and doesn’t even give me a buzz. It reminded me of two long forgotten fads, the first being Oxygen bars. Do you remember seeing these things? They popped up in Airports and water parks and malls all over the USA. People were raving about how much better flavored air was over regular non-tasting air. Give me a break! I wish I could have been there when this guy pitched his idea to his investors. “I’m gonna charge people $10 to breathe in perfume and look like a cancer patient in the process in a very high traffic public environment.”
The other terrible fad item was Dippin Dots “the ice-cream of the future.” This company decided no one wanted creamy scoops of ice cream anymore, people prefer freeze-dried pebbles of ice cream at double the price! Well, I guess even though the company has been around for 20 years it isn’t the future yet, because I still haven’t ever had a scoop of the Dots.
Anywyas, I’m getting off subject. At the end of the day, I don’t think all cultures can be imported into the USA and retain their inherent charm. If I ever get the chance to head over to the Middle East I will definitely hit up a Hookah bar-but as long as I am on the East Coast I think I’ll just stick with the Good Life, Deep Ellum, and Miracle of Science.

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