June 8, 2023

HOLY SHIT! It’s Holy Toast!

While reading about the massive layoffs I came across this article which really brightened my day. Now I know the world is coming to an end. People are so into fucking money that they are worshipping it. I would kill myself, but I am pretty sure the ensuing riots, fires, and mayhem will take me out first.

Local man sees green on his bread-and rejoices
Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The toast couldn’t have arrived at a better time
for Pepe Avery. “I was cooking it for my 13-
year-old pit bull Molly as a final farewell. After
being laid off due to my job being outsourced
overseas, I haven’t been able to get a new job.
I can’t afford food for Molly and I hate seeing her
suffer, so, I was going to take her out back and
shoot her…but I was saved by the Allmighty Toast.√¢‚Ǩ¬ù

Other people have flocked to Pepe’s hometown,
hoping to be saved by the “Allmighty Toast” as well,
paying $20 a piece to be in the presence of the toast.

When asked what Sandra Wolfe, 28, expected to gain
from viewing the charred delight she said: “Well, I
gave my life to my job, lost my family, custody of my
kids, and they still let me go. I have nothing. This toast brings me hope in an
uncertain world.” Simon Christopher has other ideas. After being laid off from
his job at the local GM plant he visited the toast hoping to strike a deal with
Avery to market a metal novelty dollar stamp so everyone can have their own
“Allmight Toast.” However, Avery didn’t have time to talk to Christopher. He was
busy driving Molly around in the new Escalade he just put a down payment on.


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