September 30, 2022

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS: Stop Getting DENNIS-ed, and More!

I am getting good at New Years Resolutions. Last year, I my resolution was to smell like a girl all the time. I have since gone through two bottles of Marc Jacobs Daisy perfume, and always smell like I am edible. This year, I’m trying to take life a little more seriously, and have made two hearty resolutions I plan to stick to:

1) Stop getting DENNIS-ed.


To fully understand the complexities of  The D.E.N.N.I.S. System, see the video above. Every motherfucker I get involved with DENNIS-es the SHIT out of me.

Since I can’t change the fact I apparently love assholes and somehow bring out the worst in every dude I bump nasties with, I have decided to defeat the DENNIS system instead. Maybe I’ll be less of a dumb girl by the time the world ends.

2)Get Off My Goddamn Phone.

I didn’t realize what a serious problem this is until recently. Every time I go out, you know, in social situations with real life human beings, I (as well as my friends) somehow get sucked into Twitter the whole night. This shit is sick. I do NOT need to be texting. Unless it involves me getting some (whilst not getting DENNISed of course), I will, in 2012 put my phone away, open my mouth and talk with my voice, not with my thumbs.


Considering that I have been going to the gym since September, and am in no way quitting smoking, my list of resolutions ends here. What are yours!?



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