Ok, look. I am happily married. My wife is fucking awesome, but at the end of the day sometimes she is drawn into a chick flick just like every other girl and me being a good husband I watch this shit with her. I do my best to keep my moans and groans in my mind and I try to find the good in the chick flicks, the real entertainment if you will. It may not be what the director or writer intended, but at the end of the day I’m just trying to ride the movie out like Vietnam or something. So this brings us to The Runaways.
The Runaways was bad. Really bad. I had to double check a few times to see if I was high because it was that bad. You know where you just sit there and try to figure out what it all actually means and you are wondering if you are in bullet time or something. Anyways, the story follows Joan Jett and how she got a band together and became a big star. It stars the brunette from Twilight and she plays the brunette from Twilight. It also stars Dakota Fanning who is only 16 and was playing a slutty 15 year old. Let me just say I hate Dakota Fanning and I feel really sorry for her. I hated when she was in all those movies when she was like a fetus and every major player in Hollyweird was like “Dakota is such a fabulous actress…she is wise beyond her years…blah blah blah.” It’s not Dakota’s fault that I hate her or that she was created in a lab, but she is who she is and I don’t like it! Now, let’s get to how you as a man are going to get through this flick. You can’t sexually fantasize about Joan Jett in this because she isn’t particularly sexy in it. Her 80’s high-waisted leather pants look like something Ellen DeGeneres would wear, and even though I think Ellen is pretty, I don’t want to bang her. Unless you are 19 or younger you can’t fantasize about Dakota either because it is illegal and if you are in your twenties or older you just see how awkward she is because she really is just a kid. So what does that leave us? The music? HELL NO. Actresses act and singers sing. Actresses who sing usually aren’t that great at either thing. The songs in this flick are comical. I kept waiting for the band to get better and better as the movie went on because I assumed they were “supposed” to be bad but about 2 hours into it I realized it was just bad. So the only way to get through this is to sleep. Good luck men. This is war.